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Maintaining Relationship
By Steve Clark

The biggest obstacle to creating successful and satisfying open relationships is jealousy. Jealousy is scary. People feel jealous when they experience the unpleasant suspicion that their man or woman is being unfaithful. People suspect the presence of a rival and fear losing out. Our stomach moves in waves and we can’t breathe. Our head feels like it will burst open. Our heart pounds in our throat and we can't talk.

Jealousy in Relationships

Jealousy is a real issue and if left untreated, can create a permanent wedge between partners, while negatively affecting future relationships. Luckily, it can be controlled. Most of us experience jealousy if our spouse or lover has a sexual relationship with someone else. For those who are lucky enough to be in a mutually trusting relationship, jealousy lies dormant in it’s cave most of the time.

It is not fun, and even in its lightest form will cause feelings of anger and frustration in relationship. Repeatedly behaving in an out of control fashion will destroy the trust and comfort of partner and quickly erode relationship. It also takes away from your quality time together as it would undoubtedly lead to numerous fights whereby you only focus on each other's negative qualities.

Causes or Why do we feel it?

Fear, insecurity and low self-esteem are the main causes for Jealousy. It is about fear -- fear of the unknown and of change, fear of losing power or control in a relationship, fear of scarcity and of loss, and fear of abandonment. It is a reflection of our own insecurity about our worthiness, anxiety about being adequate as a lover, and doubts about our desirability. When someone feels that they do not really deserve their partner that they start looking for signs of desertion. Their relationship is their whole life and they cannot see themselves functioning without it, so their jealous behaviour is actually fuelled by fear of abandonment.

It is really a very destructive emotion. There really is no benefit to feeling this. It isolates the sufferer, who tends to become more and more vigilant, on guard and suspicious of imaginary transgressions. Jealousy turns these thoughts into pure self-destructive torture. It is just the finger pointing at the fears and needs we are afraid to face.

Can jealousy be overcome?